There's no one for me

There's no one here for me, when someone cries, there is usually someone who would be beside him telling him: "don't cry, you can do it. I'm here for you."

But I don't have that person, so I actually created a replica of myself.

    Great!! I talk to my own self and someone sees me doing this and calls me: Retarded, well said, I am retarded. Because retarded means abnormal, and infact for me, the normal of this life is hell, so how can you call what's not "normal" which is hell, retardation, If you want hell, then burn yourself 

         I've paid a lot of bills, that even if someone forges a bill and asks me to pay it, I will, because I don't know who's wrong, Me OR the whole world?!

Ghosts beside me

Its dark in there isn't it?!

Life is the darkest place you could ever live in, it doesn't matter if you're blind or if you can clearly see, life is stil sooooo dark

    Do you know why?!

Do you know when you're sick or when you're somehow: a huge failure, or you're suffering from something really bad?! Huh, do you see how everyone is around you?, how everyone cares for you?! Now imagine when there is no one to support you, what do you feel, you even start thinking  was there SUPPOSED to be someone beside me now, and the sutuation answers: No!! Then, you know that you're alone in the battlefield, when you're a success everyone becomes proud because he thinks that it's rare to be a friend of a huge success like you, but when you fail, no one even wants to look to your face.

Life is always dark, because you can RARELY find the truth...

Silence

                            Silence

Silence was somewhere behind me

      Looking for a safer place

Ghosts were lying beside me 

      Trying to have their space

Death was all around me

      No one else to chase 

Darkness was meant to harm me 

      But even the sun is the darkest place

Truth was there for me

      But now, truth is the true disgrace

                          ________

Survival of the fittest!!

All I can see is: people progressing, having fun with their lives, controlling their souls, and somehow, have got someone to control...

     All my family members must have someone to be dominant on, they all have best best friends, they all have someone to share their secrets with, they have someone to talk to, they have someone to love, yes, they all do, and I, I don't have a role in the lives of the people I know, I am just nothing, I am after all a dust particle that can be simply abolished by the weakest actions that could ever exist, I can see unreal people beside me, and I rarely find an appropriate person..

Free?!

I can't tolerate anything, I can't survive this disastrous life, I started believing that I am living the worst life ever:

1- untrue and unfaithful family

2- unacceptable fiends 

3- no tools to help me

4- no one to stand with me in the battlefield 

5- can't use anything to help me, and everything is useless 

6- I do whatever I can to live happily, but there isn't even fresh air to inhale

7- I'm like a bird in a cage: so sad for how I live, and can't do anything to escape, or show my rage

8- I'm being ruled by people who are loved more than me, and I HAVE TO accept these consequences that I don't even diserve 

9- people think I am the one who's wrong, but I still believe that I'm right

        

NONE of a kind

Yesterday I made something great, it wasn't great for me, but was great for everyone I know:

1- I compared myself to each and every classmate of mine (whom I hate most of them) and I found that I have NOTHING UNIQUE each and everyone of them have got something that may show that he's more free than I am, to show that they are more loved than I am.

2- my family: everyone have got someone to support, being the middle brother Is a disaster, the small one is to be respected because he is your small brother, and the big one is to be respected because he is the biggest - I really hate something called inbetween now- I mean I hate my self, what's the point if I hate life, life will go on anyway, but I will ..remain.. dead...