How my life looks like?!!

Yes my life is sad, I think I am living a miserable life , I always wanted a real friend to stand with me in hard times, but I never found one of these, I always  wanted someone to hold hands and chat with, but I never found, maybe finding someone to love isn't that much easy, but what about friends

      All my friends are completely hard to tolerate, hard yo trust, hard to rely on and hard to share your secrets with, because they're dishonest, and honestly, I would like to pick up a knife and kill some of the, I mean just find a way to remove them from my life

    Why are you guys not listening to me, I really need your help, please , I can't change my life without you, whoever you are but I need you help

     All what I dreamt with is a beautiful ,smooth, calm, friendly and a breathtakingly beautiful life, yes I am full of fats, but I am ready to lose everything, but get a better life, my parents are pushing it too much, humiliation everyday, pressure to do what they want, they think that they get me all what I want, but I actually don't have all what I want? Though I am ready to lose all what I have to get a better life away from all this