Last call

It's my last call in life, 

I need to escape

Now Sunday 5 January 2014 3:34 am I've realized that there will be no one to support me, there will be no one to stand beside me, no one will clap for me when I am in the prom, I have cried a lot today, I always wanted to be number 1, but It became a dream, then, a nightmare...

      Today I've seen my brothers prom footage it was more than 5 or 6 months ago, I've seen and heard all the cheers and laughs, I've monitored all the sweat smiles on all of the faces there, and then at that moment: I was 100% sure that when I am going to give a short speech I will never hear all these shouts and screams, because there is no one who would dare to clap for someone like me, it's like something unimaginable, something ex terrestrial, that's why I would like to run away, and I would also be really happy to stay for my whole life, a polite and a silent person in a sort of a 'dead' audience, I'll just watch and wish happy lives for all those who I love and who I hate, everyone is 'horrible'  and I am fighting, alone.

Me -imp- *

I don't know who's watching my blog these days, maybe no one, or someone that could just read and can't help, and I appreciate everyone's efforts, I just wanted you all to know more about me, and in case if anything happens to me ( like a severe brain damage that would make me forget everything) :P <--- seems to be a dream :P I just wanted to describe myself honestly

1- a Muslim: trying to become a better one when I was 10 I was so happy, praying and reading Holy Quran made me happy and that's what's missing from my life, and I will become happier soon, Islam is my only way out. 

2- a true nazi: loved hitler alot but I had my own theory of treating the Jews, I tweeted and posted a lot of posts to Facebook cursing the Jews, but sometimes I think that zionists and illuminati are the ones which are supposed to be cursed, but still, Jews hate us, and for every action there is a reaction

3- with the Egyptian military: just after 11 February, I hate ultras, 6th of April movement, my hate even started before the recorded phone calls that has been spread on the internet in 30 December 2013 and a great supporter of elsisi, Ahmad shafik, and amr moussa, and despite the fact that who called for the 25th of January revolution was from the people who call themselves revolutionists whom I actually hate, I still believe that it was a true evolution because THE PEOPLE truly wanted everything to end, and these 'revolutionists' have actually called for revolution so that after a few weeks they break into the office of the national security building and take away their folders that have their black secrets and their conspiracies, (their telephone calls spread on the date mentioned above was a clear evidence that they even lie to each other and to the people) that's why I am still confused wether Mubarak is a hero or a criminal

4- I hate Muslim brotherhood a lot

        LIFE

1- I started working hard as much as I can since I started taking tuitions, even if my parents see that I waste time, I am living a miserable and boring life, an I can't tolerate anything

2- I hate most of my friends and I want to revenge one day, they've done a lot of bad things to me 

   

More tbc 

People change, SO FAST!!

I never meant that people change their personalities so fast, but what I mean is : the way of treating me, I can realize this everyday, everyone I know, they deliberately try to change and maintain their relationships with me, my brothers, my parents ( they change to even more worse treatments) 

       I'm sick of it, I am sick of my own life, I want to ESCAPE, but prior to anything I do/want to do: I actually ask myself: what would be the next step?! 

       This is the question that makes me stop thinking and feel that I am not capable of maintaing a happy life for my own self, how would I control a family, huh, they even make me hate making a family everyday, I am tired from life's overreactions, I am sick of EVERYTHING.

🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘

   :( 😞

 Help!! Help!! Help!!

Happy new year :( 😥😞

Happy new year everybody, I am really happy for everyone who feels that 2014 is going to be his/her second chance, but for me:

    I feel that I am getting into a more dark and a longer and deeper hole, I was out today, a boring family hangout, I saw and heard a lot of young guys shouting, screaming, laughing and expressing their feelings loudly, they were really happy, but I was probably the only one who didn't even smile, I was one of those people who stood by and watched how everything goes, but I was the only one who didn't smile, I thought this was normal, I thought that the people I see are different and there are a lot of people out there who look like me, act like me, and probably live like me, but I guess, that I was wrong, I am an extremely abnormal person, I didn't feel that there is even a new year, I feel that I am just supposed to keep my mouth shut, and go on with my life that I hate, and also, I am still being pushed to insanity by my parents, I am going to fell down really hard one day, and I may never rise.

     Anyway,

 Happy new year everybody

Merry Christmas 

Have fun 

1/1/2014

There's no one for me

There's no one here for me, when someone cries, there is usually someone who would be beside him telling him: "don't cry, you can do it. I'm here for you."

But I don't have that person, so I actually created a replica of myself.

    Great!! I talk to my own self and someone sees me doing this and calls me: Retarded, well said, I am retarded. Because retarded means abnormal, and infact for me, the normal of this life is hell, so how can you call what's not "normal" which is hell, retardation, If you want hell, then burn yourself 

         I've paid a lot of bills, that even if someone forges a bill and asks me to pay it, I will, because I don't know who's wrong, Me OR the whole world?!

Ghosts beside me

Its dark in there isn't it?!

Life is the darkest place you could ever live in, it doesn't matter if you're blind or if you can clearly see, life is stil sooooo dark

    Do you know why?!

Do you know when you're sick or when you're somehow: a huge failure, or you're suffering from something really bad?! Huh, do you see how everyone is around you?, how everyone cares for you?! Now imagine when there is no one to support you, what do you feel, you even start thinking  was there SUPPOSED to be someone beside me now, and the sutuation answers: No!! Then, you know that you're alone in the battlefield, when you're a success everyone becomes proud because he thinks that it's rare to be a friend of a huge success like you, but when you fail, no one even wants to look to your face.

Life is always dark, because you can RARELY find the truth...

Silence

                            Silence

Silence was somewhere behind me

      Looking for a safer place

Ghosts were lying beside me 

      Trying to have their space

Death was all around me

      No one else to chase 

Darkness was meant to harm me 

      But even the sun is the darkest place

Truth was there for me

      But now, truth is the true disgrace

                          ________